General Update

Besides the previous post, I figured it's time for a full update on myself. Considering how a lot of things have changed over the last 6+ years, I'd figured to make note of those changes online.

1. A lot more gray hairs! School, work,  and stress has taken its toll over the years. Around the sides of my head I have massive patches of gray that I now have to cover up with hair dye. Definitely never thought that would happen!

2. Graduated college with a bachelor's of science in Psychology two years ago. I'm actually surprised I didn't blog about this one. The hectic part of my life that was college was finished (at that point for now) and I finally completed a goal of going to college. It was a crazy-filled experience with a lot of new things happening all the time. I went to Boise State University and took a variety of random courses (other than the requirements for the major) and experienced Poetry, Philosophy (wrote a paper about nothing), and Canadian studies. Definitely an experience. Maybe if I can find photos of things I've taken then, I'll post them in a separate blog.

3. Into Alcohol and Marijuana. These were things I never thought I'd ever get involved with so I guess the saying of: "Never say Never" is true. I think I may have reached a point of abuse with alcohol. Looking back at the blog from two years ago discussing depression while drunk, really shows a lot. For two years I have been drinking alcohol with lately being more frequent. I have technically had three blackouts from it, others my memory is hazy. Even now my memory is off, hopefully no permanent damage has occurred but I'm sure that is possible. With the green stuff, I've experienced psychosis and paranoia really badly. I've read more into the green stuff and its benefits but did uncover that people with predispositions to mental disorders should avoid it, as it can cause symptoms to appear. Perhaps that's the stem of these feelings? Maybe I'm not schizophrenic and it's just the result of that? Hopefully.

4. I'm kind of detached from many people, except very close friends and family. I prefer being by myself rather than socializing, which caused me to think the schizophrenic diagnosis or psychosis one. Or perhaps Schizoid personality. The other day at my niece's birthday I had zero interest in socializing, well with the exception of her and my mom and younger brother. Me and my older brother don't talk due to personal issues. I'd have preferred not to be there but I wanted to for my niece. I didn't even stay the whole time because things were taking forever. I get that the point is socializing with family but I just wasn't feeling it. Instead I was reading things on my phone or talking solely to my little brother or my mom. I didn't even acknowledge most people.

5. I have very few friends now. Literally a handful and with whom I rarely speak. One of my best friends only comes to me really for advice now and I see him rarely. My other friends have moved away out of town. I do have two other friends in the area that I enjoy talking to but we rarely see each other even. I do make attempts to socialize and we do hangout, just not as often as I'd like to. People's schedules are busy and I understand that. Perhaps the lack of socialization makes me want to even less? Even though there are some cases where I do? That brings it back to the mental disorder. Where I have read some people will have a small group of socializations that happen but not many. (This kind of bothers me more thinking about it)

6. I've recently (within the last year) started watching Anime, not like Pokemon, but other anime. Such as Death Note and Attack on Titan. This is a new change for me that I really like, as it allows me to experience new things that I normally wouldn't imagine.

7. I talk to myself sometimes, but don't reply, well maybe in my head. Does that mean I'm crazy?

Can't think of much else to put for now.

2nd week

Hello! It's been quite awhile since my last posting, but I have not forgotten blogger land!

Anyway, today marks my second week at Boise State University. Transitioning to a University setting from a community college setting was much easier than I had thought it would be. I think having the core knowledge of how a school works helped that process!

Classes are currently going okay so far. Nothing to crazy - yet! But as a college student I know that will begin to change very soon, am I ready? Nope not yet, but I know it will come. My classes consist of Science, poetry, philosophy, and elementary mathematics so it's not too bad in my opinion. If I were taking these back at TVCC I'd be a highly stressed person but semester systems allow more time to cover things so I think that's why I'm at a slight ease.

Hopefully this week goes by as smooth as last weeks, I'll probably update within a week to see...

School Quartely Report

This quarter has to be the least stressful of my quarters. I have, technically one quarter left, two if things don't work out in my favour but hopefully things will get a little more simple. Next quarter I have to repeat my Math 111 class due to me getting a non passing grade of a D - I'm totally not looking forward to it.

So far, grade-wise, I'm doing alright. In my classes, I have gotten passing grades on all of my exams so far ( Three in Psychology, One in Humanities, Four in Sociology, and Two in Anatomy) I'm really hoping that I outdo myself and get an even better GPA than last quarter - here's to hoping that that happens!

Hectic.

School has officially been going on for about a month now and it has kept me tied down. So much studying, which seems futile sometimes, along with managing life has become VERY difficult. I have to say by far this has been my most stressful year in YEARS. Money, health, and everything else is making me feel very overwhelmed.

I've started working at my school as a part of my Work Study. I have no idea when I get paid, but I hope it's soon! I have medical bills to pay on, regular bills to pay on, and stuff to buy... I have been looking up grants and stuff (For personal use) but it hasn't been working out. Gosh, sometimes I just don't know what to do... life's gotten hectic.

PS. I washed my iPod... probably due to having so much to think about... I really want a new one.

Tender Sugar

Lately I have been in a Metroid mood. I've always loved the games (except for the older ones, in which I have yet to play) and started playing the two that I have again. In Metroid Prime I didn't manage to get 100% completion (came close at 97%) and tried again and managed. Now I'm starting again on Echoes and am totally loving it. I don't have a Wii but next school quarter I plan on getting one to get to play the third one. Ever since my 'awakening' of playing them again I have become obsessed. Samus is awesome! haha.

On a much different note, I feel a little worthless. I feel like the knowledge that I have gained is waning due to the lack of not using it. I review, sometimes, my psychology book to have a type of recovering and it works but I fear I have lost most of that and my Math skills. The worthlessness comes from the feeling that I am not smarter than I was last year, I guess. Hopefully this feeling passes because I know I'm not an idiot, I just need to work harder toward my studies.

One Year Later...

This quarter means that I have been going to TVCC for exactly one year now. It's rather interesting to look back at my blogs from that time to see a level of stress and anxiety that isn't seen very much now since I have adjusted better. I still find my studies to be difficult and sometimes irrelevant to what I would like to do as a career but it does show me how much I have grown in one year: personality, behaviours, thoughts, and friends - all have changed in a certain way. I have made friends I never would have had in High School due to the fact that I'm more open in college and my behaviours, thoughts, and personality have changed due to experience and learning of new material.

I wonder how much introspection has really gone on since a year ago... Perhaps one year from now, I will have grown a little bit more into an even better person...

PS. I haven't blogged recently because of my internet issues and also because of my constant school work-load!

color me crazy!

Dang, what a longtime since an update - oh well. Well I've been busy mending my relationship with Camden as we had a very hard fight recently and we're still recovering from it. I even feel a sense of anger toward him for the choices he has made but I don't know.

I'm also busy with school work and I think I'm passing all of my classes now. Math is difficult but I think I will scrape by. Photography, American Literature, and Psychology should have very good grades as I do my best in those classes. Yikes.

Well it turns out that many of my friends are going through crazy times as well and the overall outcome with change us as people, and hopefully that change will be alright. I think I might come out of it as a very different person... I mean, I've seen a side of myself that I hadn't seen in years... A side that's very mean, rude, and jealous. I think now it's going to be a mega-mix of that for now on.


OH! I almost forgot to note. I'm going out to Ohio to spend time with my very good friend, hopefully, in the summer time. I'm going to be taking online classes then so I can get them out of the way but I doubt if it will impede on hanging out with him for a month. BTW, a month does seem like a longtime maybe it will be shorter? I will need to decide of course; I will buying the plane ticket before June so I will be saving up some cash (600+ hopefully) so I can get there and back and still be able to afford food and stuff!

Yikes - School is back!

Sigh... I knew this day will come sooner or later, and well it's going to be here next Monday. I feel okay about it, but I have really enjoyed doing a whole lot of nothing the last couple of months. :D

I went to get my books the other day, and it all came to a hefty 502 dollars; thank hell financial aid paid for it. Anyway, I'd have to say that my total weight for the books are about 30 pounds... Plus or minus 5 pounds. It's freaking heavy, but good thing that I only need to bring in certain books on certain days.

Every Thursday I have to go to Ontario, OR for two labs. Hopefully my carpool ride will still give me that ride. If my older brother doesn't let me use his car, in case my carpool doesn't work out, then I'm totally screwed. I finally passed my license test, so I sure as hell need a car to drive! My carpooler said that I will have to drive every so often when she's too tired to - I have no problem with that.

I just hope I still have a ride!

In This Life...

I'm so glad that the Summer Quarter is finally, officially over. It has been pretty hectic but I managed to pull through and succeed. So far I know that I have passed my Mathematics class and I will find out the rest of my grades by next week. I get a month off, and it's going to be great. I'm just going to relax and find myself once again. The next quarter begins on September 22nd, and well when that starts up, I will start stressing again.
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So yesterday I was clumsy. I knocked a cup of water over my laptop. Luckily it's not damaged or anything. I quickly turned it off and laid it on its side to drain the rest of the water. At first when I tried to turn it on later the computer would turn on but it wouldn't stay on. Then the computer asked if it could run a repair tool and that fixed my problem. No more drinking water or any liquids around my computer! I'm glad that it's okay now, but I have to be more careful.
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I have found a song that I absolutely love! It's by an amazing artist by the name of Delta Goodrem, and the song is called "In This Life", it's absolutely amazing. She has a wonderful voice, but she can't compare to my Amy. :)

Here's a video of the song!

Update

I haven't blogged for a couple of days. Well there goes my goal of trying to blog everyday but I have been overly stressed with life and college. The homework is heavy, but I feel relieved enough now to write since it's all done. Right now I'm watching my favorite comedian, Kathy Griffin and contemplating putting my pillow and blanket into the dryer so I can go to bed. Recently the weather here in Idaho is relatively warm and slightly humid. I hate hot weather, it makes me sweat so much. That's the reason why I had to wash my pillow and blanket...

For some reason my room has been getting extremely hot. I swear to hell that it gets like 105 degrees in my room during the day. Having a fan in there makes it more tolerable, but it really just pushes around the hot hair back and forth... Sigh, hopefully this weather will cool down!

College, Psychology, and blogging...

So I've started back at college now for a total of 3 days. So far it's good, although since it's the summer course now everything is at a much faster pase because everything must be covered in such less of time. Everything is okay, but my math class is my evil 'speech' class this quarter. Speech last quarter was the most homework driven course, and now it's math. We've been given 4 assignments in math and they're all do on Monday. We also have a test over those assignments next week, although I don't know when.

My favourite class would happen to be Psychology. My instructor is amazing and she shares some of her personal experiences and her own wisdom with us as a class. Today was the most amazing class experiences so far. She explained the 'chair' method with getting people to express their feelings towards someone they can't speak to either because of a traumatic issue or that the other person is deceased. Anyway, she's a therapist but she teaches as a second job, so that's a reason why she went in depth today about the method. Which in my opinion was well explained and very interesting. I really look forward to continuing my education with this class and it's helping me to see that I have made the right to decision and I can't wait to learn more about people and of course myself.

So I've been blogging now for about 2 years. I haven't blogged everyday, but now that I've started to 'rediscover' my blog, I've been able to organize my thoughts and feelings. I love blogging, and it's going to be something that I will try to do even more often. I know it's like an addiction now, but not reading or playing videogames, but it's a level below. That doesn't mean that it's not important, it is, but it's difficult to get around to everyday when you lead a busy life.

Hectic week? Don't Think so!

So lately I've been a little sick and achy. Jeez, I hate getting sick... I mean what kind of sicko would? It drains you out, makes you feel bad... And ew, makes you leak from your nose! I'm starting to feel better though; but my throat is still kind of hurting. Hopefully I'm fully better by tomorrow so I can enjoy my week off before I start my new quarter. Which reminds me! I need to look up my grades... YAY! I checked and I passed the class I thought I'd fail: Speech! I was so worried I'd fail that class. The sad thing though is none of my other grades have been posted UH!

Sigh, anyway. The day before yesterday my temp agency called me up and said that they had a one day job for me. I took it, mostly from pressure, but I think it was worth the 5 hours of stapling. For one, I made a new friend and two, stapling for 5 hours has to be the easiest job ever. Although staying in one position for 5 hours does get you kind of cramped up! My new friend's name is Ebony, I'm supposed to text her back and stuff but I didn't get around to it. I'll probably do it tomorrow.

Well that's the update! I'll probably get more in depth soon, as I like to write. Getting my feelings out there, even if no-one is reading, is still a great stress reliever. ^^