General Update

Besides the previous post, I figured it's time for a full update on myself. Considering how a lot of things have changed over the last 6+ years, I'd figured to make note of those changes online.

1. A lot more gray hairs! School, work,  and stress has taken its toll over the years. Around the sides of my head I have massive patches of gray that I now have to cover up with hair dye. Definitely never thought that would happen!

2. Graduated college with a bachelor's of science in Psychology two years ago. I'm actually surprised I didn't blog about this one. The hectic part of my life that was college was finished (at that point for now) and I finally completed a goal of going to college. It was a crazy-filled experience with a lot of new things happening all the time. I went to Boise State University and took a variety of random courses (other than the requirements for the major) and experienced Poetry, Philosophy (wrote a paper about nothing), and Canadian studies. Definitely an experience. Maybe if I can find photos of things I've taken then, I'll post them in a separate blog.

3. Into Alcohol and Marijuana. These were things I never thought I'd ever get involved with so I guess the saying of: "Never say Never" is true. I think I may have reached a point of abuse with alcohol. Looking back at the blog from two years ago discussing depression while drunk, really shows a lot. For two years I have been drinking alcohol with lately being more frequent. I have technically had three blackouts from it, others my memory is hazy. Even now my memory is off, hopefully no permanent damage has occurred but I'm sure that is possible. With the green stuff, I've experienced psychosis and paranoia really badly. I've read more into the green stuff and its benefits but did uncover that people with predispositions to mental disorders should avoid it, as it can cause symptoms to appear. Perhaps that's the stem of these feelings? Maybe I'm not schizophrenic and it's just the result of that? Hopefully.

4. I'm kind of detached from many people, except very close friends and family. I prefer being by myself rather than socializing, which caused me to think the schizophrenic diagnosis or psychosis one. Or perhaps Schizoid personality. The other day at my niece's birthday I had zero interest in socializing, well with the exception of her and my mom and younger brother. Me and my older brother don't talk due to personal issues. I'd have preferred not to be there but I wanted to for my niece. I didn't even stay the whole time because things were taking forever. I get that the point is socializing with family but I just wasn't feeling it. Instead I was reading things on my phone or talking solely to my little brother or my mom. I didn't even acknowledge most people.

5. I have very few friends now. Literally a handful and with whom I rarely speak. One of my best friends only comes to me really for advice now and I see him rarely. My other friends have moved away out of town. I do have two other friends in the area that I enjoy talking to but we rarely see each other even. I do make attempts to socialize and we do hangout, just not as often as I'd like to. People's schedules are busy and I understand that. Perhaps the lack of socialization makes me want to even less? Even though there are some cases where I do? That brings it back to the mental disorder. Where I have read some people will have a small group of socializations that happen but not many. (This kind of bothers me more thinking about it)

6. I've recently (within the last year) started watching Anime, not like Pokemon, but other anime. Such as Death Note and Attack on Titan. This is a new change for me that I really like, as it allows me to experience new things that I normally wouldn't imagine.

7. I talk to myself sometimes, but don't reply, well maybe in my head. Does that mean I'm crazy?

Can't think of much else to put for now.