Lovestruck... or lust struck?

I hate it when I begin to like someone and out of spite someone tries to ruin it. The person ruining it is named Bryan George. He's a total loser. I used to be friends with him until he showed his real true, two-faced being. It's disgusting. He's STD riddled and attempted to get back at me for revealing that. Haha.

Anyway, I know that all relationships start out as lust , so this person that I like is totally out of lust but I like this person for who they are. I hate how people try to ruin these things... if I had any good sense I would use Abaddon for revenge but I think there are lesser ways of doing things instead of being so destructive... God, I'm so filled with hate right now it's pouring out of my nose... If Bryan is trying to get that other person away from me, by talking to them, messaging them... I'm not sure how I will react.


BTW. For those of you who are nice enough to send hate mail...

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/Deadmanwwe?ref=mf
www.myspace.com/deadmanwwe

If you do, I'm grateful for your help.

Spontaneous Recovery & Psychology

Spontaneous Recovery in Psychology is when a person was previously broken from a learned behaviour but a stimulus caused that behaviour to re-emerge and that person to partake back into what was previously lost. This can be put into many forms from learning not to yell, to simple emotions. I find that after learning about this concept in my Psychology class, I realize how often people go through it. In fact, yesterday I went through it again and still am from talking to a person that I really loved. I mean, I was going through negative thoughts about how this person probably didn't want to talk to me (for reasons I didn't even know; they probably still wanted to but was busy) but when I got the call and they told me that they had been thinking about me the whole day... that brought back so many previous feelings and emotions so suddenly.

I mean I re-fell in love after I made myself lose those feelings. I mean they are very intense right now; there's the excitement, loving, and longing that has always been there but tucked away until I was shown a previous cause of my behaviour... Which was that other person; I fell in love with them for who they are, and when I experienced their feelings and thoughts it caused those feelings to come right back... Hopefully if you knew nothing about Psychology and "Spontaneous Recovery" you do have a general idea of it now.

Emotional and Love hurts

Gosh, I've been very emotional lately over love... I mean when you fall in love with somebody for WHO they are, and not for their body why must they totally (well I was told at one time that they had the same feelings) not feel the same way? I mean this person I really like totally is going for this other guy who is a total douche, and obviously only wants this person for the body and not the emotional connection. I have made this connection for over two years and yet that other person has a higher priority over me? That angers me a little bit, I mean honestly. That douche leaves comments on my friend's page about "Stay Sexy" and all that crap... I leave comments with videos of love songs and all that stuff. I mean I love this person for everything that they are, and we have so much in common - the physical-thing, I couldn't care less about. I love this person for who they are as a person - Just wish that they would really see that.


BTW. As a language person, I had so much trouble using "They" instead of "He/she"... I just had to keep the person gender neutral...

color me crazy!

Dang, what a longtime since an update - oh well. Well I've been busy mending my relationship with Camden as we had a very hard fight recently and we're still recovering from it. I even feel a sense of anger toward him for the choices he has made but I don't know.

I'm also busy with school work and I think I'm passing all of my classes now. Math is difficult but I think I will scrape by. Photography, American Literature, and Psychology should have very good grades as I do my best in those classes. Yikes.

Well it turns out that many of my friends are going through crazy times as well and the overall outcome with change us as people, and hopefully that change will be alright. I think I might come out of it as a very different person... I mean, I've seen a side of myself that I hadn't seen in years... A side that's very mean, rude, and jealous. I think now it's going to be a mega-mix of that for now on.


OH! I almost forgot to note. I'm going out to Ohio to spend time with my very good friend, hopefully, in the summer time. I'm going to be taking online classes then so I can get them out of the way but I doubt if it will impede on hanging out with him for a month. BTW, a month does seem like a longtime maybe it will be shorter? I will need to decide of course; I will buying the plane ticket before June so I will be saving up some cash (600+ hopefully) so I can get there and back and still be able to afford food and stuff!

Warmth of Your Arms...

Love is something a person can't control right? How does one know if he/she is in love? Is it the excitement one might get when the person calls him/her and talk for four hours? Is it when one thinks a large chunk of the day about what it would feel like if the person would simply hold him/her in his/her arms?

I feel more and more melancholy as days pass by. I can't stop thinking about it... Did I make a mistake? Is it far too late now?

Love?

Lately I've become overwhelmed with that 'excited' feeling whenever I think of someone... Why? I've told myself that even if I were to get together with somebody it would be in my own area code... Why do I feel so... In love? Is that the proper way to express it? I feel kind of embarrassed even talking about this subject because as most of my 'hometown' friends know, I'm very reserved and quiet. This person though... They have this thing about them that I cannot even express... I feel kind of envious that I even let them go.

What's sad is that this person lives on the otherside of the country, and that's why it couldn't...Wouldn't work. Could I just have been wrong... Did I give up something so true that I was too blind to even see it? I feel like I've lost something... How could I have let myself go like that? It's impossible to be in 'love' with someone so far away, but I think it can happen...

This person gave me a call for the first time about 2 weeks ago. It was pretty cool, to hear what they really sound like in real life. They admitted that I didn't sound like they 'thought' I would. I really do like it when they talk, it's pretty amazing... Although I know that I can't get 'involved' with this person because they are already with someone else... They deserve that person to love them. I obviously didn't because I was so oblivious and everything.

It's good though because we'd never really been 'involved' it was more like an internet thing, but I feel like I know them so well that it's so hard to explain. I was an idiot... STUPID ME! God, now I'm listening to these songs that explain everything and make it all so crystal clear... I gave up a chance, and now I'm too late... The 2 main songs that explain this to me that well are "Alone" by Avril Lavigne (I'm the one she's singing about), and "what hurts the most" Cascada's version (She's expressing how I feel)...

Talk about stupid of me... Sigh, I guess there's really nothing I can say or even do... I guess I should probably just let it go.... :(

Cascada's "What Hurts The Most":