Empathy

It's kind of interesting that a person I disliked so much to the point that if given the chance, I would have beaten the crap out of them, I would have, but what's funny is how fast I can feel so much empathy and sympathy for them. I'm talking to them right now on a messenger and I can't help but feel a need to help them out so that they don't feel pain anymore.

Perhaps that's the kind of feelings that a future, hope to be, Psychologist needs: empathy + sympathy to help people, to feel a connection but also to be able to help them through their struggles. Hm, perhaps this can count as experience for me? Helping out people all the time is a good thing, since I am very altruistic, I can see how being a Psychologist can be a good career for me.

Life Without Certain Emotions

I often wonder what life would be like to be rid of certain emotions. I mean, it would add some clearity to one's life in a way - right? Emotions like hatred, sadness, and anger would really be a good thing to live without. I know that love and happiness are essentially necessary but I think that life, for everyone, without anger and hatred would definitely be a better world for everyone. Sadness, I don't know. Sadness does add something to life but I do think that if someone, that a person really cares about, passes away then sadness is necessary.

Sometimes though when I feel too sad or depressed I just wish that I could do something to prevent from ever feeling those emotions all together. I will listen to songs about lost love or something and it reminds me of a certain person and all that 'what if' crap happens. Songs that also remind of this huge fight that I had had with this person, and 'what if' I had stopped being friends. I often wonder a lot of things if you hadn't realized; I don't know if that can be both a good thing or a bad thing, or just a bad thing.

Some guy with big oh popeye arms...

I like Margaret Cho's comedy a lot more now. I used to sort of be offended by her style because she swears a lot but she's actually really hilarious. I was disappointed in her latest one though but I do enjoy her others. I actually borrowed a line from her special "Notorious CHO" and titled it for this blog. Hm.

Well officially one more day and I'm on a plane ride home. This has been truly the longest I have ever been away and I can't wait to return. I leave early in the morning, and arrive at 12:30 pm mountain standard time... AH, mountains again!

...

In my last livejournal post I talked about how much I care for my friends... I change so fast in my feeling toward someone that it's disturbing. That entry I expressed how much I cared for friends, and now I'm feeling disgusted, disappointed, and a little hate toward one of them. I mean honestly, if you come to visit someone then you should be the centre of their focus and everything. I mean sure, if your friend is dating someone of course the relationship should be important but the fact that I'm now sleeping outside of the room, on a couch, in a darkened area because I strongly believe that they just want to fuck. I mean seriously, what kind of person would do that?

You arrive, and then get told: "You know, you're bigger than I thought you were; I'm going to be honest, you're fatter than I thought." and then later you get told "I really appreciate it that you came to visit." Yeah, let me tell you how much that means to me that you completely insult me, destroy even more of my self-esteem, and then tell me how much of a great friend I am. I should have posted that the day I arrived but I didn't. I feel so shity right now; so full of disgust and anger... I wouldn't be surprised if I come home and become anorexic due to how much of my self-esteem has been destroyed.

I miss my real friends... The ones who know how I am, the ones who accept me for who I am... Friday cannot come fast enough, but I can't wait until I'm on that plane far from here and back where I belong... The place I call home; the place where I won't be insulted and then praised but accepted and held close to those I care about.

One, two, three!! four?

Yikes. I think I totally laid on my arm wrong the other night when my friend's boyfriend spent the night. It's been killing me since last night, and it's going on all day today! I ate and got some excedrin and hopefully that tones down the pain a little bit. Lately the weather has been stabilizing here in Ohio, and I hear back at home it's getting dreadfully hot. Well according to my weather forcast-thing that I have on my computer, which is synced back to Idaho, it says that today is 33 C and tomorrow is going to be 32! What a great homecoming week - when it's freaking hot!!!

The worst thing you can ever hear....

So yeah, not to sound too assertive or anything but I believe that if someone has a friend spending a few days with him or her, that they should NOT be less than a metre away appearing to be having sex - OK?! I mean seriously. I wasn't even that far away but I swear to God that's what was going on. Not to mention the annoying kissing sounds every so often - they seemed to go on ALL NIGHT. I woke up because of them! They were just smooching, and kissing, and BLAH! I felt dirty and disgusted by it all! I mean seriously, it's only common respect to not do that kind of stuff to wake someone up?

By the way, I don't ever want to hear whether or not someone can ejaculate 14 times in a row. That's like the worst thing you can ever hear - EVER! I mean, I was just laying there, after being woken up at 9:30 AM to that! Seriously, the worst thing you can ever hear...

Trip Update!

Yeah two in one day - yay?

I've been here for eight days now and I've come to see the differences between home and Ohio!

So yeah, I go back home in five days now, not counting today of course. The trip has been interesting so far. I didn't go primarily for fun but just to see what life outside of Idaho was like. All I can say that it's full of different characters, hotter weather, and a stranger atmosphere.

I've never been to a bar before, but I don't know if I'll ever go to one when I go home because it's just not me. I'll probably go again with my friends on Tuesday because, well, if I leave on Friday then I should hangout as much more as possible. The last time though I got molested by a drag queen... Yeah. Before she was asking me all these questions like "Have you ever done drag before? You'd be beautiful!" and "I can make you a star!"; she did say she was kidding about me doing the drag, but not about the star thing in which bothered me. Afterward, I felt uncomfortable through the whole club scene and my good friend Brandy sat there with me the whole time because she and I both felt out of place... Finally, at 2:30 in the morning, my friend was done doing what he was doing and we got to go. By then, the drag queen was in the bag and well she wanted a hug from Brandy and I. I reluctantly gave her one but I thought it would be okay, but then she started feeling me over! She was like "Ooh. You know, I'm a powertop! I have a lot to offer to a boy!"

Here's the club:


and here's my friend Brandy being at the bar table with me:


Yeah and I also managed to go to the real Crystal Lake - you know the Lake where Jason Voorhees killed all those naughty counselors in the Friday The 13th Films? Yeah, it wasn't what I expected.