I had almost forgotten about this blog I used to write to, to empty my feelings on to. It's been a hard journey to where I have gotten since I last published something in the last two years but it also seems as if much has deteriorated as well. I think I have technically developed a type of drinking issue, as sometimes just drinking seems to numb everything inside of me. All the pain that I have built up from my failures and everything that has left me in total remorse. Am I meant to just be nothing in the wind, just something casually caught in it and meant to observe all that happens to everyone else? Is that my fate? I hate being filled with regrets - I'm not even that old but there are things I wish I could have done differently or just changed so that I wasn't as I am now.
It feels sometimes as if something is just wrong about me, nothing natural. Looking into it I don't know. Having a degree in Psychology doesn't seem to help either.
"I have nothing left, and all I feel is this cruel wanting. We've been falling for all this time and now I'm lost in paradise." - Amy Lee, Evanescence.
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