Gina Escapes

So yeah, my last drunken rant was pretty weird. I am usually more reserved and to myself but I guess alcohol has that effect on me when I drink too much. But yeah, everything is peachy now. I tend to avoid drinking multiple nights in a row for good reason as it doesn't do the body well to overload it with poison I think. Besides drunkenness being a new thing for me, I'm still very much in to video games, Battlestar Galactica, and listening to music. Lately been listening to soundtracks of BSG and cannot get enough. Played RE6 a few hours ago and it's a good coping mechanism when I'm over everything. Also, 'I'm over it' is also a new saying that I say a bit too much.

Into the inevitable

I had almost forgotten about this blog I used to write to, to empty my feelings on to. It's been a hard journey to where I have gotten since I last published something in the last two years but it also seems as if much has deteriorated as well. I think I have technically developed a type of drinking issue, as sometimes just drinking seems to numb everything inside of me. All the pain that I have built up from my failures and everything that has left me in total remorse. Am I meant to just be nothing in the wind, just something casually caught in it and meant to observe all that happens to everyone else? Is that my fate? I hate being filled with regrets - I'm not even that old but there are things I wish I could have done differently or just changed so that I wasn't as I am now.

It feels sometimes as if something is just wrong about me, nothing natural. Looking into it I don't know. Having a degree in Psychology doesn't seem to help either.

"I have nothing left, and all I feel is this cruel wanting. We've been falling for all this time and now I'm lost in paradise." - Amy Lee, Evanescence.