Empathy

It's kind of interesting that a person I disliked so much to the point that if given the chance, I would have beaten the crap out of them, I would have, but what's funny is how fast I can feel so much empathy and sympathy for them. I'm talking to them right now on a messenger and I can't help but feel a need to help them out so that they don't feel pain anymore.

Perhaps that's the kind of feelings that a future, hope to be, Psychologist needs: empathy + sympathy to help people, to feel a connection but also to be able to help them through their struggles. Hm, perhaps this can count as experience for me? Helping out people all the time is a good thing, since I am very altruistic, I can see how being a Psychologist can be a good career for me.

Life Without Certain Emotions

I often wonder what life would be like to be rid of certain emotions. I mean, it would add some clearity to one's life in a way - right? Emotions like hatred, sadness, and anger would really be a good thing to live without. I know that love and happiness are essentially necessary but I think that life, for everyone, without anger and hatred would definitely be a better world for everyone. Sadness, I don't know. Sadness does add something to life but I do think that if someone, that a person really cares about, passes away then sadness is necessary.

Sometimes though when I feel too sad or depressed I just wish that I could do something to prevent from ever feeling those emotions all together. I will listen to songs about lost love or something and it reminds me of a certain person and all that 'what if' crap happens. Songs that also remind of this huge fight that I had had with this person, and 'what if' I had stopped being friends. I often wonder a lot of things if you hadn't realized; I don't know if that can be both a good thing or a bad thing, or just a bad thing.

Some guy with big oh popeye arms...

I like Margaret Cho's comedy a lot more now. I used to sort of be offended by her style because she swears a lot but she's actually really hilarious. I was disappointed in her latest one though but I do enjoy her others. I actually borrowed a line from her special "Notorious CHO" and titled it for this blog. Hm.

Well officially one more day and I'm on a plane ride home. This has been truly the longest I have ever been away and I can't wait to return. I leave early in the morning, and arrive at 12:30 pm mountain standard time... AH, mountains again!

...

In my last livejournal post I talked about how much I care for my friends... I change so fast in my feeling toward someone that it's disturbing. That entry I expressed how much I cared for friends, and now I'm feeling disgusted, disappointed, and a little hate toward one of them. I mean honestly, if you come to visit someone then you should be the centre of their focus and everything. I mean sure, if your friend is dating someone of course the relationship should be important but the fact that I'm now sleeping outside of the room, on a couch, in a darkened area because I strongly believe that they just want to fuck. I mean seriously, what kind of person would do that?

You arrive, and then get told: "You know, you're bigger than I thought you were; I'm going to be honest, you're fatter than I thought." and then later you get told "I really appreciate it that you came to visit." Yeah, let me tell you how much that means to me that you completely insult me, destroy even more of my self-esteem, and then tell me how much of a great friend I am. I should have posted that the day I arrived but I didn't. I feel so shity right now; so full of disgust and anger... I wouldn't be surprised if I come home and become anorexic due to how much of my self-esteem has been destroyed.

I miss my real friends... The ones who know how I am, the ones who accept me for who I am... Friday cannot come fast enough, but I can't wait until I'm on that plane far from here and back where I belong... The place I call home; the place where I won't be insulted and then praised but accepted and held close to those I care about.